My last blog I mentioned that was going to Kansas City this summer... That is still kinda true in a way... Only in a different way than I expected. I have wanted to be a worship leader for a long time so Forerunner Music Academy (FMA) seems like it's perfect for me and lately after a settlement playing in my favor it seems as though that dream is just within reach. I have had people tell me, don't you want to delay the time a bit? Maybe God wants you to learn something more before you go. My response is always "of course he does... blah blah blah" and never really took it to heart.
One thing about me is I am a constant dreamer and never really wait to find out the details before I decide to go for something. So when some one mentions Catalyst an evangelistic training school through my church http://catalystschool.com/, I just shrug it off... "God doesn't want me to do that, he has opened the door for me to go to Kansas City!" I never really think maybe some doors that are opened for me I shouldn't walk through, or maybe I should wait a bit longer till I'm a little wiser to walk through that door. I took a trip to seattle last saturday to hang out with some friends that I hadn't seen in a couple months and it was fun! I am a busser so I had a lot of time to think about things and listen to God about my current situation.
One word that I absolutely despise is "Wait" and that was precisely what God was telling me to do. Next, what surprised me more was what he said next... "Do Catalyst this summer!" Are you kidding me God?! That's not part of the plan! So I dissmissed what I heard.
The next day, I was talking to Annie Peterson about me going to Kansas City this summer... What did she say? "Did you think about maybe postponing the trip till the fall and doing Catalyst during the summer?"
God cracks me up sometimes lol... I hear it twice and don't listen finally he tells me a third time... Maybe I should be obedient... Just maybe God has something for me to learn this summer. I finally registered for Catalyst today and regardless of what the plan is, I am excited to see what God does through this.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
I Am Beautiful!!
The day before my birthday I ran into a friend from Youth Group that hadn't been there for a long time. For privacy's sake I won't paste her name all over the internet so I will call her Jessica. Jessica grew up with out a mom or dad so she has been in and out of foster and group homes for the majority of her life, however she takes great pride in telling people about her mom before she passed. As a girl often does, she desired to be loved. When she couldn't find that love through a father or a mother she turned to men to fulfill this desire. However, when this desire still wasn't fulfilled through men she turned to women. This brought a lot of shame to her life and she new that something needed to change. Even though she had heard it said time and time again that God is Love, how could she truly believe it? There has never been anyone in her life to give her the evidence of that fact. Any man that she ever met only wanted her for sex in short they treated her as a "Sofisticated Ho". Because Jessica was so used to being treated like this she never questioned it. Up until recently she never realized that she was never intended to be treated like this.
The truth is Jessica reminded me of myself before I came to learn of God's love for me. It's too easy to forget what life was like before God restored me to the extent that he has. I operated through a lot of abandonment and rejection. I didn't believe that I was beautiful at all. I still struggle with a lot of significance issues and question whether or not I am beautiful.. In fact, I still sometimes look into the mirror and hate the way I look. Some verses have been really helping me lately especially with me trying to teach Jessica what I've learned in the last few years. I don't want to be one of those people who says one thing but acts completely different.
This week I've been reflecting on a couple verses that have been really on my heart.
The truth is Jessica reminded me of myself before I came to learn of God's love for me. It's too easy to forget what life was like before God restored me to the extent that he has. I operated through a lot of abandonment and rejection. I didn't believe that I was beautiful at all. I still struggle with a lot of significance issues and question whether or not I am beautiful.. In fact, I still sometimes look into the mirror and hate the way I look. Some verses have been really helping me lately especially with me trying to teach Jessica what I've learned in the last few years. I don't want to be one of those people who says one thing but acts completely different.
This week I've been reflecting on a couple verses that have been really on my heart.
"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."" ~ 1 sam 16:7
"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." ~Eph 2:10
"sing o daughter of zion, o Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, o daughter of Jerusalem!" ~ Zeph 3:14
"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." ~ S.O.S 4:7These really spoke to me because so often I look at myself how Men and Women look at people in this world... The world will tell me I don't have long enough hair, I'm not wearing the right clothes, I'm too fat, I don't wear the right amount of makeup. I have to learn to look at myself through the God perspective. I have to tell myself that I am a beautiful daughter of the lord and that I am his masterpeice. And as God's masterpiece I am perfectly created! I AM Beautiful!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Summer Rain
Friday night I finally got the chance to attend a devotional and a teaching set at IHOP Northwest. I was expecting to encounter the holy spirit, but it didn't happen in the way that was expected... Isn't that always the case though? Everyone at IHOP NW let the spirit move freely. As the music continued to play we all felt an urge pray for the holy spirit to manifest itself even more, and it did. A man came up to the mic and shouted a battle cry "FIRE!!!" at that moment the spirit became sooo thick.
God reminded me of a couple summers ago when I got caught in a warm down pour on my way home from the store. It was a warm rain, there was no breeze... it was as though a lake had fallen on top of my head. In that moment I could feel the rain pour over my spirit I breathed deeply and I could smell it, as the water consumed me I could even taste it. Before I knew it I was drowning in utter grace, love, rest, and refreshment. I can honestly say I have never felt anything like this in my life. I still feel that peace that I had in that moment. I can feel God's presence in the very air that I breathe.
A couple years ago I wrote a song that even though I really didn't even truly comprehend till now. the words are:
I finally am seeing God's promises being fulfilled in my life. Even though I definitely only have a handful of people in my life supporting my decisions I know that everything is going to be alright. Many people don't know that at the end of May I plan on moving to Kansas City, MO to be at IHOP. I'm so excited because while I'm down there I plan on getting accepted at the Forerunner Music Academy to get equipped to become a worship leader. I've told my family of my plans only to be met by skepticism and mockery. I honestly never thought I would see the day when my own mother would turn from me and call me a fool. A worship leader isn't exactly a good career move. In my family's eyes I am throwing my life and my money away. I knew that when I decided that I was going to devote my whole life to Jesus I was going to have to sacrifice something. Up till a couple weeks ago I didn't know what that sacrifice would be. Being in America as a Christian, I have taken for granted the fact that Christianity is widely accepted in this country and that my sacrifices are small compared to many outside of the country. But when my own blood turns away from me, I can feel my heart tear apart and I can't even scream about it without being accused of not being a true lover of God.
Up till Friday, all of this has been bothering me a lot. The sacrifice seems so big. But in God's presence I just knew with all that I am that I am doing the right things. I'm not just going out on a whim to throw my life away without meaning. I am sacrificing my very life to follow a God that is way bigger than anything or any circumstance that this world can throw at me. In him I am free, the bondage of fear is washed off me along with anything else that hinders me. Thank you Jesus for Summer Rain!!!
God reminded me of a couple summers ago when I got caught in a warm down pour on my way home from the store. It was a warm rain, there was no breeze... it was as though a lake had fallen on top of my head. In that moment I could feel the rain pour over my spirit I breathed deeply and I could smell it, as the water consumed me I could even taste it. Before I knew it I was drowning in utter grace, love, rest, and refreshment. I can honestly say I have never felt anything like this in my life. I still feel that peace that I had in that moment. I can feel God's presence in the very air that I breathe.
A couple years ago I wrote a song that even though I really didn't even truly comprehend till now. the words are:
"Forty years in the desert, wondering why I'm still here. I'm alone, lost, and afraid that I'll be stuck here forever. so I look to you. You're the summer rain that washes me clean. You bring refreshment to this weary traveler. I'm looking for a promised land; it flows with milk and honey. But my own directions leave me walking in circles. So I look to you. Cuz you never fail to come through for me I know I can trust you, so I look to you."
I finally am seeing God's promises being fulfilled in my life. Even though I definitely only have a handful of people in my life supporting my decisions I know that everything is going to be alright. Many people don't know that at the end of May I plan on moving to Kansas City, MO to be at IHOP. I'm so excited because while I'm down there I plan on getting accepted at the Forerunner Music Academy to get equipped to become a worship leader. I've told my family of my plans only to be met by skepticism and mockery. I honestly never thought I would see the day when my own mother would turn from me and call me a fool. A worship leader isn't exactly a good career move. In my family's eyes I am throwing my life and my money away. I knew that when I decided that I was going to devote my whole life to Jesus I was going to have to sacrifice something. Up till a couple weeks ago I didn't know what that sacrifice would be. Being in America as a Christian, I have taken for granted the fact that Christianity is widely accepted in this country and that my sacrifices are small compared to many outside of the country. But when my own blood turns away from me, I can feel my heart tear apart and I can't even scream about it without being accused of not being a true lover of God.
Up till Friday, all of this has been bothering me a lot. The sacrifice seems so big. But in God's presence I just knew with all that I am that I am doing the right things. I'm not just going out on a whim to throw my life away without meaning. I am sacrificing my very life to follow a God that is way bigger than anything or any circumstance that this world can throw at me. In him I am free, the bondage of fear is washed off me along with anything else that hinders me. Thank you Jesus for Summer Rain!!!
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