Prayer Needs and Revelation

PS>>>
Retrospect: thinking about or reviewing the past, especially from a new perspective or with new information

PostPS.... In the time that it took to upload this video, I could've written the blog entry.

Birth of a Miracle

There's something odd about the way that God works sometimes. I'm one of those people who suffer's in silent. I don't like showing people how much I am hurting at the time. By the time that someone actually notices, it's usually when I am on the brink of breaking; when I just can't hide it anymore. I think this is the curse of the oldest child. I've always felt that if I cried it showed weakness and I had to be strong, if not for me, for my youngest siblings and my mom. Unfortunately, I have learned that this burden is too big for me. 

As you know, from my last blog, I am very stressed and worried about finding work and a new place to live. You also know, that my luck has been seriously down for the last couple weeks. Yesterday, I think things took a turn for the better. I was supposed to get up a little earlier so that I could do laundry but decided to sleep in a little because I figured out something else to wear that was clean. I forgot to turn off my alarm instead of pressing snooze, so when my phone started ringing I didn't realize that I needed to answer it... kinda funny... I answer it and it's "Gina" from Work-source. Apparently, she's going to refer me for a position at Walmart for their remodel crew AND refer me for a catering position that starts in March as soon as I create a more targeted resume for the position. So, after I got ready, I went to "Remedy" which is a temp agency for my "orientation", which means watching a safety video. After my "interview," The lady told me that she could get me to start working at a college this weekend if I got my food handler's card, which I have to bring her today. Of course I was like, no problem, I can get it tonight. Keep in mind that I take the bus everywhere. It was almost 3pm and I had to be at the Health Department at 5:30pm to guarantee a spot in the class. I have been donating Plasma and my utility bill is due today which is about $46. I have $11 right now and will be getting $35 later in the day. So, for some reason I decided to go to my mom's house to pick up my mail before I went home to pick up the only money I had to use for the class. The whole way I was stressing about how I was going to be able to afford both my utility bill AND the food handler's class. I was also stressing about how I was going to stop at my mom's house and go back home(all the way across town), then go to the health department before the alloted time; I still felt like it was mandatory that I stopped at my mom's house. I go to my mom's and she brings me some Christmas presents that I have yet to open one from my aunt Sandy and the other one from my Grandpa which was an envelope with $25... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Not only could I afford the class, but I didn't have to go all the way home to get the money!

It's so amazing, that nothing happened when I was quiet about my situation, it was only when I started complaining to God about my situation and pleading for help, that I am starting to see my Miracle unfold. I just know that something great is going to happen out of this situation I found myself, and I can't wait to see what it is. I'm starting to see this as kinda of a labor... there's gonna be a lot of pain before the miracle is born.

on another note, the only thing that happened yesterday, was that I accidentally left my cell phone at my mom's house... hmm... oh well, if that's the only thing, I guess I'm doing alright :)

THIS SUCKS!

Ever have one of those weeks? Well, I've been having 2.5 of them... I think I have the worst luck ever. I don't have a job at Target anymore because they decided not to keep me for some stupid reason, All my closest friends are out of the area for one reason or another, and I have to move out of my house by the 31st because of not being able to pay rent February. My life is nothing but a procession of crisis after crisis. I don't think I've felt this lonely, helpless, and hopeless since before I became a Christian at 16 years old. Now, I'm probably going to sound like I'm griping a bit, however I need to get my feelings into words. Something about letting it all out makes you feel better.



For the last couple weeks I've been either on the verge of crying, crying, or trying my best not to cry by entertaining myself with games, Facebook, and movies (I guess a REALLY bad case of depression). Yes, I know that I'm supposed to be turning to God, yada, yada, yada... not to say that I haven't, but it's been one of those seasons where I want to hear God speak, I want him to work in my life but nothing is happening and I can't hear him speaking. THIS SUCKS! I feel like I've been in a position like this before but never quite this bad.




You know you've hit rock bottom when you're unemployed, about to become homeless and you have no one to turn to. I don't even know how I got myself in this position or even why. If you know me, you know that I am a hard worker, am really friendly, I love people, am outgoing, adventurous, full of dreams and intelligent. I just don't understand why I am not more stable than I am right now. How do I all the sudden have no close friends in the area? How is it that I can't hold down a steady job? How is it that every place I move into just ends in disappointment? How is it that EVERY time something good happens in my life something INCREDIBLY bad soon follows? How is it that I can't even turn to my own family when I need help without them putting up a big fuss? Not that any of this is extremely new, but COME ON!!!  And don't give me the religious Answer... I don't care nor want it... I'm sick of hearing the Romans 8:28 verse, "God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose," this is just another annoying thing to say when you have nothing to say (aka: UCA), just like the one I was talking about in my previous blog, "God has the PERFECT job/house for you!" Not gonna lie and say I don't need help when I do, but Maybe I mostly just want to be heard?? 




When someone is going through a crisis you don't throw them away like garbage!! and that's exactly how I feel right now. I feel so angry lately.  I want to hit something and tear things up! Of all the sacrifices I've made out of love, why can't I receive that in return? I'm tired of pursuing friendships with people who don't want to be my friend anyway. I'm tired of having shallow conversations. I'm tired of being left out of things. I'm tired of trying to fit into the mold of the Christian clique. I'm tired of wondering what's wrong with me because my so called friends sneer down at me like I'm worthless,I don't have anything to offer or I don't run in their friendship circle.


 And the thing is, I KNOW I have a lot to offer. I am well educated (even if I haven't finished college yet), If you're lucky enough to become a friend  I am ALWAYS there to lend a hand when I can, I am probably more gracious and patient with people than I should be, I can carry an actual conversation without it turning to "marriage"... Who needs to worry about that crap at a young age... I DON'T CARE that you need a husband RIGHT now... I want to actually have a stimulating conversation about God, Theology, politics, Health, History, Science, Music, good reads,  and maybe even good movies. Yes, I get irritated at people that only talk about the opposite sex because it means that you've run out of intelligent ideas to express. Okay... lets just settle down, get comfortable, have a few kids and "follow God" without using our brains.... THAT sounds like a TERRIFIC idea! That's exactly how we're supposed to live our lives according to Jesus, right?