Warning: Blog entry contains controversial issues... If you don't like it you can stop reading at any time.
So, it's been a while since my last blog entry. I've been hesitant to write anything because it seems like every time I post something I have a big announcement. Unfortunately, I feel like an idiot, a fool, a lier, and indecisive. For the last couple months God has taken me through a lot including, getting my settlement for my leg injury and filing bankruptcy. In the midst of two major financial circumstances, I have had to make decisions based on those circumstances including trips, schooling, and ministry. I still don't have it together. I am tired of telling everyone my plans only to disappoint or change my mind. Hence forth I do not have any plans... Tennessee is down the drain because I let the money fly out of my hands, Northwest University for the same reason, Catalyst was decided against because I was gonna use the money to go back to Northwest, and IHOP- FMA went down the drain for now because I don't really believe in all the things that IHOP does... (not including prayer... I'm still pretty firm on that and like the 24/7 prayer room a LOT)
Now about Truth, it's ugly.
I find money and clothes is a funny thing.
About Money: When someone finds out you have money they will be your best friend until that money runs out then they are out of your life and want nothing to do with you. People come out of the woodwork saying that you owe them money for "that one time they helped you out" Even parents are no exception to this phenomenon. I will not tell you how much money I have spent on my mom (out of embarrassment of being manipulated) because she felt that I owed her it. Then there are the people who leach off of you because they refuse to stop being lazy and expect you to provide for them.
Now for Clothes: Wow... I never knew that I had soooo many friends. I get a new wardrobe and all the sudden people who I NEVER talk to want to know how I am doing and what's going on in my life. Maybe it has something to do with the appearance of riches. Or maybe people are too shallow to recognize that you are the same person with or without the trendy clothes. I have to admit that I am really liking the attention... but what if I reverted back to my orange sweat shirt, t-shirt, genes, and flip flops?? Do you want to hang out with me now??
Here's a little truth about what who I am. I tend to use God as an excuse not to move on a decision or to justify a belief that is wrong. Using bible verses to justify myself is wrong and it makes me just as bad as a prosperity preacher. Another truth is I am not too sure of what I believe anymore. I know there is a God and I believe what he says in the bible is correct I know he moves in mysterious ways, I know he has the best for me in mind, I know that he has a plan amidst all the toil in this world. I don't know is what he wants of me. I really have NO idea what I want to be when I grow up, I have no stable income, I have failed pretty much anything I have ever tried, I live with my mom, I am easily confused, I am very sarcastic, I am a woman but I don't do very many girly stuff... I prefer to hang out with guys but that doesn't mean that I am one of them, and I am not going to try to impress you with a list of accomplishments even if it does come up in a conversation.
My church emphasizes ministry as the only way to serve God "being the lamp-stand on a hill" I am getting frustrated at the intolerance for atheists, gays, people of various religions, divorce, and people who do abort their children. I am also getting frustrated at inflation of political situations such as the recent "National Day of Prayer", new books and movies coming out (they're fiction... get over it.), abortion, Gay rights, blah blah blah...
I guess according to you, I am going to hell because I don't believe in the same things you do. If I am going to be ostracized for saying thus I don't really care at this point. I refuse to be manipulated to believe and act on things because one man or woman feels inferior to those who won't CONFORM to the Christian belief system. As much as I believe that Christ is the only way to heaven I believe that the church right now has a sense of Manifest Destiny that really doesn't care who they step on in the process... just to "win souls to the kingdom of God." Get over yourselves and see who you are hurting before it is too late... people are not going to come to God if you are shunning them because they don't believe in the same things as you.. The world is not black and white as many Christians believe... It is very colorful and your refusal to keep an open mind is very contrary to the gospel. I'm not saying that I am not guilty of this because I am... It is only recently that I have realized what a jack ass I have been. If we don't have an open mind we fail to realize that there is more than one right answer... or maybe NO ONE is right... think about that for a moment... what if we're ALL wrong??
