Friday, August 29, 2014

Break Out of the Box


Break Out of the Box: A Call to Christian Musicians



When I researched Contemporary Christian Music (CCM), the results were staggering. For the past thirteen years (2003-2014) the Billboard Charts have been dominated by the same eight artists year after year with little to no exceptions. The pattern I saw while analyzing the data was that the number of artists that made the chart increased; in 2011 and 2012, there were ten artists that made the charts each year. However, there were two years in particular which seemed like CCM was having a dry spell. In 2003 there were three artists that made the list, while now, in 2014, there is only one artist. Are we now witnessing the death of CCM?  The death of genres is not a new thing; especially in the realm of Christian Music. The important thing for musicians to understand is that their audience changes, at the very least, once every decade, sometimes more. Musicians should not allow their creativity to be put in a box dictated by tradition or fear of controversy for trying something new. Most of all, Christian musicians need to realize that God is not going to strike them down for finding a new way to worship Him.
In 1956, Larry Norman became a legend in Christian Music. He burst his way into a brand new genre; Christian Rock Music. That is when controversy arose. Norman is quoted as saying, at Creation Fest in 1999, “A lot of white people found it hard to believe that I was a Christian if I was singing these songs because they thought this kind of sound was satanic.” In response he wrote the lyrics to “Why Should the Devil Have All the Good Music?” (Tashet, 2008) Shortly after the composition of this song, a new Christian generation arose, known as The Jesus Movement of the 60s and 70s. Tradition would tell us that we should stick to the hymns and psalms of the bible, however, with this example alone, it can be concluded that writing music outside the norms set for us by traditionalists, we can kick start revolutions in Christian thinking.
The 1960s was an interesting era to live in. The dream of integration of blacks into white society was new. The world was witnessing a rise in progressive thinking; of course secular music would follow suit. Sadly, Christian music, is still segregated into two groups; Contemporary Christian (White) and Gospel (Black). (Lamont, 2010) It would be thought that, with so much forward thinking, we would know better by now. More and more people are realizing that this is not right. Since Segregation ended, over time we have seen a rise in inter-racial marriages and children. Our current generation is fused. Most people can no longer classify themselves as just white or black. When writing music there needs to be a consideration of this fact. As a Christian musician, the goal of writing is not only to worship the God we love, but to communicate the good news of our savior. If we are only writing for one demographic, we are not doing our job.
Many Christian Musicians may be afraid to try something new, because they are afraid to come up against controversy surrounding the idea, and with good reason. Martin Luther tried something new. He decided to translate the bible from Latin to English so that the common person could read the Bible on their own. Doing this, Martin Luther came into direct opposition with the Catholic Church. In the view of the Catholic Church, this would mean that their power over the people would be greatly diminished. The Clergy wanted him dead. Rather than fear the outcome of his actions, he continued to translate the bible. As a result of this, we all (at least in the U.S.A.), are free to read the bible and come to our own conclusions about what we read.
As a Christian musician, I am all too familiar with each of these issues. Let’s not be discouraged by the trends that we are seeing within our genre. If it is fear of God being upset for your creative worship you are experiencing, meditate on this verse: “So God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27 English Standard Version) Dear brother or sister in Christ, our God is a creative God and He created us in His image. God will not be offended if you find a new creative way to worship and give glory to Him. There is nothing to fear. In the words of Christian Musician, Chris Tomlin, “...if our God is with us, then what could stand against?” (2010)



References:
Billboard. (2014). Billboard Chart Archive. Years 2003-2014. Retrieved from
http://www.billboard.com/archive/charts/2014/christian-songs
Lamont, M. (2010). Lip-synch gospel: Christian music and the ethnopoetics of identity in Kenya. Africa
(Edinburgh University Press), 80(3), 473-496. doi:10.3366/afr.2010.0006. Retrieved from Academic Search Complete.
Moberg, M. (2011). The 'double controversy' of Christian metal. Popular Music History, 6(1/2), 85-99.
doi:10.1558/pomh.v6i1/2.85. Retrieved from Academic Search Complete.
Tashet. (2008). Larry Norman - Why Should The Devil Have All The Good Music?. Retrieved
from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQfJoyrsccM.
Tomlin, C. (2010). Our God. Retrieved from https://worshipartistry.com/songs/chris-tomlin/passion-

awakening/our-god

Sunday, July 6, 2014

I am not a Christian


No. I am not an Atheist, Satanist, nor am I proposing a new religion. I am not a Christian, at least not in the way that America uses the term today. Keep in mind, I am not renouncing the name of Jesus; I love and adore him and will follow him for the rest of my life. I am renouncing Christianity. It has taken me a while to get to this point, but this is a confession that I've been working on for a while. Christianity as we know it today is perverted and not at all biblical. What I am about to say will probably offend you, in fact, I mean to. I hope you are. We need to wake up and realize that the gospel is not about us or labeling ourselves as Christians. The gospel is about the love and sacrifice of Jesus so that we can be with God. The gospel is about how we are incredibly sinful and need God to rescue us, and he did.

Here are the verses and definitions I am working off of that lead me to my conclusion. I want to challenge you to read them for yourselves and come to your own conclusion. It is not my job to decide what you believe neither is it your job to convince me otherwise, though I am open to any criticism you may have.

Christian:
"a :  one who professes belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ
b (1) :  disciple 2
(2) :  a member of one of the Churches of Christ separating from the Disciples of Christ in 1906 (3) :  a member of the Christian denomination having part in the union of the United Church of Christ concluded in 1961" -Webster's dictionary

Matthew 6:5-8
Matthew 8:21-22
Matthew 14:28-31
Luke 14:27
John 13:36-38
John 14:12
John 18:27
John 21:20-23
Acts 4:32-37

The top six mentalities that I hate about Christianity:
 (I stop at six at the risk of being Una Chismosa) 

1. "We know that we are better than you".
2. Waiting on God means taking no action until you get a sign to move.
3. If something doesn't work out, it must be the will of God or you are living in sin.
4. Your beliefs are wrong even if they have biblical foundation.
5.  Just because you pray in faith, your prayer will be answered, even though it is certainly not in God's will, and if it doesn't come to pass, you don't have enough faith.
6. If you are a woman, you can't preach/teach the gospel because God forbid you offend a man. If you're a woman, you must be a stay at home mom, tossing aside ANY aspirations you have.

GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!

If you are sitting there thinking that I am speaking out of hurt and anger, you are right. I am sick to my stomach of biting my tongue about these wrong ideas of what it means to be a christian. These ideals, in my opinion, plague the name of Christianity.

This is what it means to be a Christian:
"Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." 
-2 Corinthians 6:4-10

You are probably wondering about the picture of the inverted cross in the beginning of this post, "why is she posting a satanic symbol?" This would be another misconception. If you can't tell by the verses that I provided you in the beginning, I am a great admirer of the Apostle Peter. When he was martyred (a term not coined till after his death thanks to the great apologetic writer, Jason Martyr) in 63-64 AD (historians debate the actual date), according to Christian tradition, he requested to be crucified head down because he thought he was unworthy of a similar death of Jesus. Peter lived up to the name of "Christian". He suffered for the sake of the gospel. 

Do I suffer for the sake of the gospel? No. I do not want to be called a Christian, I have not earned it. Nor have you, if you live in America. Christians in America believe wrongly that because they are fired from their job they are being persecuted. That couldn't possibly be because they have a poor work ethic and are being poor stewards of the resources that God has given them. Some believe that "Oh, my family rejected me, I must be suffering from persecution." Given that there are some circumstances where this may be true, but have you considered that maybe it's because you were being a dick? Real persecution does exist in America but not in the ways you are thinking. It more happens by the means of laws passed in the land preventing teachers from talking about God in the classroom, God being omitted from the pledge of allegiance, and being put under public scrutiny for saying a prayer before events and such. Honestly, the biggest problem that people have with Christianity is the fact that most Christians in America lord it over "non-christians" (see #1 of my list). Seriously, get over yourselves; you're just not that cool.

I'm tired of hearing about all this hoopla regarding abortion, gay marriage, Chick FilA, the recent Hobby Lobby issue. All of these things are ridiculous! WE ARE MISSING THE POINT!

This reminds me of something that happened when the bible canon (order of the books) was being established. One of the discussions was "how many angels can stand on the tip of a pin?" Not joking, this was a thing. 
I can imagine the debate going well, then all the sudden the topic changes and King James sitting on his throne face/palming thinking... "Where the hell did that come from?" (and cue Patric Stewart memes)



Do you know why Billy Graham was such a successful missionary? It is because he acknowledges that he doesn't have it all together. I recently watched a "happy birthday" video to Billy Graham, celebrities and politicians who all know him, love him. He never sounded condescending; he loves because Christ first loved him. 

When did we get these stupid ideas in our heads? Why the hell, are we not being the church as it was originally intended to be. The church as we know it is perverse and more people are getting hurt than healed. Why can't we just love without regard of what someone has to offer us? I realize that many of us have been burned by people claiming to be christian, which is probably a big reason why I don't want to be called a Christian any more, but we are brothers and sisters in Christ. We have been adopted by the same father who loves us all equally. We need to stop focusing on who is doing what and who's calling is greater than another. Jesus would say that it is none of our business. We just need to seek the kingdom first. We need to stop missing the point of it all.

The point is, What IS the point? Jesus. Jesus is the point... He is what the bible was written about. He is who we serve. While being in a church is nice... That is not who we serve. We serve a God who is SO much bigger than us. I pray that one day I will be worthy of being called a Christian, but for now I'll probably just silently cringe every time someone brings it up.

Origen says that Peter felt himself to be unworthy to be put to death in the same manner as his Master, and was therefore, at his own request, crucified with his head downward.” - See more at: http://amazingbibletimeline.com/bible_questions/q6_apostles_die/#sthash.3yN4ItwC.dpuf
Origen says that Peter felt himself to be unworthy to be put to death in the same manner as his Master, and was therefore, at his own request, crucified with his head downward.” - See more at: http://amazingbibletimeline.com/bible_questions/q6_apostles_die/#sthash.3yN4ItwC.dpuf

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Caught with my pants down


How to best put into words what has happened to me since November... This is the reason I haven't written a blog in so long. In a lot of ways I feel like I have been caught with my pants down. I never expected my life to take a turn like this.

May of last year, I heard God speak to me "Do you trust me??.. Gird up your loins." to which my response was "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Not knowing the meaning of this, I shrugged it off thinking that I was being paranoid... I didn't want to face my fears... dude... fears are scary. For the longest time my biggest fear has been that God would give something incredibly good to me just to take it away. This is the experience I have of fathers.Though I know academically that God is good, I don't necessarily believe it in my heart. So naturally, my reaction to change whether good or bad is not initially good.

So here's the sequence of events that impacted my life in the last few months:

NOV 1st- Dec 21st
 I lost my Job taking care of Noah and started watching a 4 year old named Edie and a 5 month old named Trung. I was always overwhelmed because the 4 year old had behavioral issues and the 5 month old attachment anxiety. I would often would go home exhausted and crying because I hated my job.

Dec 22nd-30th
I took the grayhound to visit my mom in Caldwell, ID and had a blast... I didn't want to go home because I knew what I was coming back to.

Dec 31st- Jan 15th
Feeling slightly optimistic that I can make the situation with Edie work. Unfortunately, the woman who hired me to watch Edie decided to put her back in Pre-School without giving me any notice. But that was OK because I was gonna start watching Trung again on the 28th. Stuff at home was getting stressful because I wasn't able to make rent on time.

Jan 28th
I find out that Trung's family decided to put her in daycare because they got help from the state to do so. I definitely can't afford rent at this point and February is rapidly approaching.

February 4th
My birthday... I'm 24 this year. I still haven't payed rent, still looking for work. roommate informs me that if I don't pay her the past due rent for January and February, I had to move out that weekend. Some amazing people, after telling everyone about my need, helped me with the amount that I owed which was $900 all together, just so I can stay one more month.

February 20th
I've been hired to take care of 3 little boys!! I'm so excited! It's a live in position in Bellevue! Everything is coming together and I can finally start working on accomplishing my dreams! I will be moving in on the 28th! just in the nick of time! I say my goodbyes to my friends in Seattle and quit my side jobs babysitting for 2 families and weekly work at a childcare.

February 26th
I am babysitting an awesome 6 year old named Beckett, we are hanging out watching the land before time and eating ice cream. I receive a call.. My heart sinks as I am told that they have changed their mind and decided to hire someone else. I can't stop crying.

February 27th-28th
I am forced to get rid of all my things because I have no place to put them. Packing is an extreme chore as I decide which parts of my life I can keep and which ones I have to let go. I pray to God to release the burden and help me to have the ability to let go. A Haitian man calls and says he wants almost all my things to send to Haiti... Ummm... YES! I'm losing a lot... but someone else who needs it is gaining so much!

March 1st- April 17th
I am able to keep one of my babysitting jobs and return to the weekly childcare position. I am staying in the home of one of my pastors from church, Pastor Jeff and his lovely wife and kids. Kacie is my roommate. It's intense, but I am learning a lot about God's character, his love for me, and his desire for me to live in purity. I am going to move into my friend, Sammy's apartment April 18th.

April 17th
I receive a call from the family that was supposed to hire me in March. They've realized that it was a huge mistake not to hire me in the first place. I am so excited! I move in tomorrow!! I call everyone to tell them the good news

April 18th
I move in with the family in Bellevue. I meet the kids and I am really excited and optimistic of the future. Things seem like they're gonna be okay. I start planning on pursuing my dreams again.

April 19th- July 20th
Things with the family are not as good as I was led to believe. All agreements have been broken. I am no longer being paid and turned into an indentured servant. My relationship with the mother is strained because of disagreements about how children should be raised, she yells at me alot and mistreats me, the children, and her husband. The parents are on the brink of divorce and I somehow keep getting caught in the middle of their arguments, the children are acting out and I am being left alone with the baby even when I am technically supposed to be off duty. I lose all my desire to write or play music... I am hiding in my room depressed, I have no access to community. Finally, I hear of an Opportunity to train with StoryVille Coffee and possibly be hired as a full-time employee.

July 22nd
I get accepted into the training school for the first week of training.

July 23rd- 28th
My desire to play music has returned. It is my last week working for the family in Bellevue. I get a really bad cold but still audition to play in a band at my church... It didn't go so well, so the leader is allowing me to retry next week. I move into Sammy's.

July 29th-August 2nd
I am having the best week of my life. I am learning so much! This all seems too good to be true... It is literally the job of my dreams. I am meeting amazing people like Jon Phelps, who is an inspiration to my life and carpooling to training with a guy named Jared and a girl named Sonja. I like these two a lot... I want to be friends with them forever. Jared takes me to a few shows and get to spend a lot of time hearing his heart and I am amazed. Hope in my heart has returned that I can achieve my dreams. I get to go to a show with Jared for a dude named Daniel Blue... truly inspiring.

August 3rd... Today... errr... Yesterday (it's midnight)
I receive the news that I am not returning for a 2nd week at StoryVille. I am bummed... Somehow my desire to write music has returned. I am optimistic that things are going to be okay somehow. Somehow I am filled with hope. I am in awe of how fast this week has gone, at the things I have learned, the people I met, and the places God has taken me this year. What is gonna happen next?


Suggested reads, Just in case you don't get any of my references:
http://rosie-findingapurpose.blogspot.com/2012/05/gird-up-your-loins.html

Sometimes I write things for other people that I really should be writting to myself. Really... I just should listen to myself more often... I think the writing give me a chance to make that head and heart connection.
http://rosie-findingapurpose.blogspot.com/2010/01/faithfulness-study-of-davids-life.html

Also, this sermon from Paul Tripp called, "Powerful Faith" has been very encouraging to me as of late.
http://www.sermonaudio.com/playpopup.asp?SID=81109102119

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Problem With Coping


Ecclesiastes 1:2-6
Meaningless! "Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.” What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun?  Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains the same. The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises. The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course. 


So, I finally discovered that I could download a blogger app on my phone, but unfortunately, my phone is dying, so I'll keep this short. Also, please excuse grammar/ spelling issues that may come up (damn auto correct!). 

Ecclesiastes is my favorite book of the bible for several reasons, but one reason is: when ever I am going through something hard, I will turn to it. I find encouragement in someone else vocalizing my fears, doubts, thoughts and feelings; especially in seasons like the one I currently find myself. 

All polygamy aside, I find that I have a lot in common with King Solomon (yes, he also wrote both ecclesiastes and S.O.S), I probably struggle with the same sins that he struggled with, but mostly we both frequently ask the question, "why?" and "what's the point?" In search for answers, we both turn to idols and all things that bring momentary pleasure; The world as we know it today calls this "Coping Mechanisms." I understand that people believe that there is bad and healthy ways of coping, however as a christian I understand coping as a way of relying on an activity to relieve anxiety rather than calling on God, thus an idol. 

A couple of weeks ago, I hit a breaking point. I became emotionally shut down; I chose this. I didn't want reality and I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, least of all, God. 

Coping for me = idolatry, sex, weed, putting my efforts into things I do well, or anything that will distract me from reality. 

I am now going to call "coping, "death."
You aren't living when you are coping. All emotion is dead, so you are left with nothing. Neither pain nor pleasure can penetrate your cold, stone heart. You are in essence, a zombie. Dead but breathing; You feed on momentary pleasure, nothing satisfying your lust to feel something worth feeling.

I am very lucky that I had church obligations. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't have listened to my pastor who points to Jesus or run into my friends who also point to Jesus. Christianity truly is about relationship in community. Thank you for being in my community. And most of all, thank you for pointing to Jesus!

Only God can fill the void. Only God can break your heart of stone and make it flesh. Only God can bring you true joy.

Time to repent.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Love is:


1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. 
Love never fails. 

Have you ever been hurt so badly by someone that you found it difficult to move past the hurt and forgive? What if they hurt you in a way that made you question every other relationship that you had in your life? I think life becomes a little more confusing. These are the questions I’ve been plagued with for the last couple weeks.  What is the difference between a real friendship and a project friendship? Are friendships REALLY supposed to be easy or are they never meant to last? Am I really such a burden that I’m not a joy to be around just for the sake of being around? Am I being a loving friend or a selfish friend? What is wrong with me?

A couple weeks ago I had a fight with someone that I considered my best friend. I’ve come to realize that she really only saw me as a ministry opportunity all these years, that I am physically, emotionally, and mentally draining, so she really doesn’t take joy in being around me unless we’re doing something “productive.” While I did see some great points she made about some things I need to work on, this has left me questioning every aspect of every relationship in my life right now. Not only this, but I am very hurt to think that I invested my emotions in an illusionary friendship that lasted nearly eight years. If our friendship wasn’t real, then what is REAL?

I've always had the idea that all friendships, regardless of the dynamic, should be the reflection of how we should love God and the church.  I find it difficult how anyone can have a healthy friendship otherwise. When we love our church, we give. We don’t care what we get in return; we just give. We give our time, talent, and treasure. While it’s nice when your church gives back or shows that they appreciate what you give, you don’t necessarily care either way because you love it. People in the body may hurt you or may not necessarily share in your affection, but you continue to love it because God loves his church. Ideally, this is what a friendship is supposed to look like.

So, I guess in retrospect our friendship is real. I will just need to continue to love her like I love the church. Hopefully, one day she will share in my affection for her regardless of the ways she has hurt me in the past. I will also do my best to move past the hurt and my own selfish desires for her to feel the same as I do.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Forgetting to live in community



Community
Eeek what a big word

I pondered quite a while trying to figure out a proper metaphor for living in community. Finally, I gave up as everything that I came up with related to the shower (I was in the shower thinking about what to write in this blog entry.) To tell you the truth, I think that the reality that I need to be living in community was lost to me after I left college. I got so caught up in my every day struggles that I conveniently forgot that I NEED community. Recently, my life slowed down significantly and I started to ask myself the question, “where did all my friends go?” I forgot what it was like to just BE with people, and not just because I need their help with my many crises.

This week, I had the opportunity to hang out with a few people whom I am just starting to get to know, around a bonfire, drink some cold beer, and pull out an old guitar and sing every song that we knew from the 90s just because it was a fun thing to do. In the moment, there were no worries about bills being due, what we were dealing with at work, or our other miscellaneous duties during the week; we were living in the moment. It is absolutely ridiculous that we get so busy in our lives that we forget to actually LIVE. Furthermore, we forget what it is like being with people just for the sake of enjoying their presence. After this fun bonfire, the host of the bonfire asked me later in the week if I had fun, and suggested that we do something similar in the future. (Ummm… HECK YES!) I started thinking later that perhaps the reason for this future invitation is because we just enjoyed each other’s presence.

For a while now, I’ve been asking God what it would be like to approach him just to BE with him for the sake of enjoying his presence. Too often, I just approach God in my need taking no notice of my need to live in community with him. I think that this bonfire experience is exactly the example of how we are to live in community with God. It’s so simple. Live in community with God. Ask what is on God’s mind rather than blurting out everything you are feeling because of your crises. Sing to or rather serenade God just because it’s a fun thing to do. Goof off! It’s okay to be silly with God!

Often, I have heard it said both by people and the bible that God delights in his children. Have you ever considered what you enjoy about children? Being a Nanny, I am around a child all day long. One thing that warms my heart is how something that can seem soooooo small to an adult is such a big deal to a child. Many times I have watched Noah play with his toys while he was playing. All I can do is smile because with every moment he is learning how to do things. Suddenly, Noah takes notice to my watching his every move and gently smiling at him. EVERY time, this event is met with excitement; he goes NUTS! His arms flail, his feet pound the carpet, and he lets out a shriek of joy (not unlike a monkey… ha-ha). Naturally, my response is to laugh and play along. In short, I take joy in him enjoying my presence.


So I guess my point is… it’s time to act like a kid again!  GO NUTS!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

gird up your loins

"And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD's passover."
-Exodus 12:11

I have a very busy schedule. My typical week day looks like this: I wake up at 5:30am to rush out the door to catch the bus at exactly 6:09, get to work by 7:15, get off work at approximately 4pm and depending on the night, my head might not hit the pillow until 10:30 or 11 at night. I look forward to Saturday. Saturday means sleeping until my body can no longer stand it and running errands I couldn't get to during the week. Although, more often than not I don't even get the chance to do even this. A typical weekend is filled with serving my church (which I don't really complain about because I love it). 

To say that I was annoyed at waking up at 4:30 in the morning on a Saturday with thoughts buzzing through my head would be an understatement. I can always tell when a change is immanent, it's almost as though the very air reeks of it. I don't react well to change whether good or bad. My heart pounds a little faster, my jaw clenches, my hands ball up into fists, and I lose my appetite. Worst of all, Restless nights overtake me with often vivid and disturbing images depicting my fears and almost predicting the troublesome season to come.

My life has taken some great strides in the last few months. I am no longer homeless, have an amazing job taking care of an even more amazing baby, I am taking spiritual ground back, I am healing emotionally from past injustices, and finally for the first time in many years have felt the peace that comes with growing closer to God. Recently, I decided to do an internship at my church for production, starting in the fall, regardless of the time commitment, setting aside my fear of losing my job because of loss of time flexibility... but that won't be for another 4 months, so I can cross that bridge when the time comes.

So, what else is there to do at 4:30 in the morning but to take a long walk and watch the sun rise? I mulled over in my mind about things to come and confessing to God my fears when I hear him gently speak to me. "Do you trust me?" I groaned out loud, "What the hell does that mean, God?!" to which he replied,"Gird up your loins."

O boy... This conversation was both convicting and nerve wracking. I searched the bible for every instance that God says "gird up your loins." Each and every time it is to prepare for something; to prepare for battle, famine, plague, or before you take on a new title. Over the last few days I've torn up the inside my lip wondering what this next season is going to bring. As I read each passage I realize that God never once doesn't know what is going to come, he knows the outcome of the battle and it is victory. So really as I sit here preparing for battle what I should be preparing for is victory. Even if I end up broke and on the streets again, I should know by now that God's got this.