gird up your loins

"And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD's passover."

-Exodus 12:11

I have a very busy schedule. My typical week day looks like this: I wake up at 5:30am to rush out the door to catch the bus at exactly 6:09, get to work by 7:15, get off work at approximately 4pm and depending on the night, my head might not hit the pillow until 10:30 or 11 at night. I look forward to Saturday. Saturday means sleeping until my body can no longer stand it and running errands I couldn't get to during the week. Although, more often than not I don't even get the chance to do even this. A typical weekend is filled with serving my church (which I don't really complain about because I love it). 

To say that I was annoyed at waking up at 4:30 in the morning on a Saturday with thoughts buzzing through my head would be an understatement. I can always tell when a change is immanent, it's almost as though the very air reeks of it. I don't react well to change whether good or bad. My heart pounds a little faster, my jaw clenches, my hands ball up into fists, and I lose my appetite. Worst of all, Restless nights overtake me with often vivid and disturbing images depicting my fears and almost predicting the troublesome season to come.

My life has taken some great strides in the last few months. I am no longer homeless, have an amazing job taking care of an even more amazing baby, I am taking spiritual ground back, I am healing emotionally from past injustices, and finally for the first time in many years have felt the peace that comes with growing closer to God. Recently, I decided to do an internship at my church for production, starting in the fall, regardless of the time commitment, setting aside my fear of losing my job because of loss of time flexibility... but that won't be for another 4 months, so I can cross that bridge when the time comes.

So, what else is there to do at 4:30 in the morning but to take a long walk and watch the sun rise? I mulled over in my mind about things to come and confessing to God my fears when I hear him gently speak to me. "Do you trust me?" I groaned out loud, "What the hell does that mean, God?!" to which he replied,"Gird up your loins."

O boy... This conversation was both convicting and nerve wracking. I searched the bible for every instance that God says "gird up your loins." Each and every time it is to prepare for something; to prepare for battle, famine, plague, or before you take on a new title. Over the last few days I've torn up the inside my lip wondering what this next season is going to bring. As I read each passage I realize that God never once doesn't know what is going to come, he knows the outcome of the battle and it is victory. So really as I sit here preparing for battle what I should be preparing for is victory. Even if I end up broke and on the streets again, I should know by now that God's got this.